Should self-acceptance be a financial strategy?

The other night, we were discussing how AI is helping us in our respective professions, and how it has made life more productive, but also fun in many ways. It’s easier to synthesize information, access resources and, sometimes, with all the time saved, find a few extra moments in the day to just be.

I remarked that while it’s easy to be skeptical, and there are legitimate fears and concerns, it’s worth accepting that life since AI became commercially accessible is not only different, but also kind of cool.

This conversation, and the thought of sometimes just accepting things for what they are, reminded me of other areas in life where acceptance plays a significant role in what we’re able to create.

Not knowing what I wanted to be

When I graduated from university, I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Circumstances led me to relocate from the UK to Dubai, where I started my marketing career with General Motors.

I remember talking to my boss and making a remark: “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”

She said, “Vick, you’re going to be 65 and not know what you want to be when you grow up. Some of the most interesting people in the world wonder that every day. You don’t need to figure it out.”

Those were the words I needed to hear in that moment to get on with my day, but it’s something I’ve reflected on many times since that conversation.

The rollercoaster of life happened. I met my wife, who wholeheartedly supported me starting my first business. It had big ups and downs, we had a child, I started another business, we moved to Canada, and then the immigrant life began.

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And still, despite more than a decade passing, I found myself unable to shake the feeling that I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Playing it too small

I felt that I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing with my career. It didn’t matter how well or not well I was doing at a given time; I just never felt like I was doing what I was meant to do with my professional life.

I wasn’t working for a big tech company. I wasn’t on the cutting edge of technology. I wasn’t living out my purpose. I was playing it too small. And when I was working for someone else, I wasn’t making enough money.

I found myself feeling jealous of those around me and that got in the way of relationships with colleagues and bosses. I demanded raises because I felt I was meant for something bigger, but I was stuck in the small. I even went as far as making up stories in my head about other people and why their circumstances were so much better than mine.

I wasn’t unhappy with my life. I had a wife I loved, a growing family, and a career that had taken me across the world. But I was experiencing a level of internal turmoil that affected so many aspects of my life, including my finances.

You don’t make good, smart, or confident decisions when you’re constantly questioning whether you’re where you’re supposed to be.

The gap between who I am and who I think I should be

Psychologist E. Tory Higgins developed what is known as self-discrepancy theory, which examines the tension between who we believe we are, who we would ideally like to be, and who we think we ought to be. When there’s a significant gap between these versions of ourselves, it can contribute to feelings of dissatisfaction, disappointment, and restlessness.

I can’t say that this theory explains everything I was feeling, but the idea resonates with me. I was measuring my life against an imagined version of myself, and no matter what I achieved, I could always find another reason to believe I wasn’t where I should be.

I wasn’t just feeling this way. I was making decisions while feeling this way. And because I was so focused on what I thought was missing, I wasn’t always giving enough attention to the opportunities already in front of me.

What you resist will persist

I was fortunate enough to spend some time working with an executive coach a few years ago. One of the many things I took away from that experience was the idea that what you resist will persist.

For me, the thing I had been resisting for most of my life was accepting myself for who I am. Accepting that I love building things, and that while I’m not necessarily meant to work on the cutting edge of technology, I genuinely enjoy working with small and medium-sized businesses to make a tangible difference. Accepting that I’m really good at what I do, and that I need to acknowledge that as my truth rather than constantly trying to be someone else.

That acceptance changed things for me.

It didn’t mean I stopped wanting to grow or that I suddenly became satisfied with everything. It meant I stopped fighting the parts of myself that I had spent years trying to change, and I became more willing to put my energy into the things I was good at and wanted to do.

That helped me grow my business, but it also gave me a greater sense of security because I knew I was building something that made sense for me.

Where it showed up in my money

I don’t need an expensive car to be happy. I can keep my monthly payments low because what I value more is freedom. I can choose clients who allow me to grow in a way that’s consistent with my values, rather than chasing every opportunity because I feel I should be earning more or doing something bigger.

My wife and I have a daughter, and everyone who works with me knows when it’s pick-up and drop-off time. I used to see things like that as potential obstacles to professional success. What if a client objected? What if it affected a relationship? What if protecting that time came at a financial cost?

Instead, I’ve found that being clear about what matters to me has helped me build professional relationships with people who respect those priorities. Something I once worried might negatively affect my earning potential has become part of how I work and the kind of people I choose to work with.

None of this happened because I stopped being ambitious. I’m not advocating for complacency, but rather accepting yourself for who you are, understanding what matters to you, and then taking that knowledge and swinging for the fences.

Why the reason matters

Self-determination theory, a well-established framework in psychology, distinguishes between pursuing goals because they genuinely matter to us and pursuing them because of external pressure or a sense of obligation. Research has linked more autonomous forms of motivation with well-being and better-quality performance. 

This doesn’t mean that following your values guarantees financial success, but it does suggest that the reasons we pursue our goals can matter as much as the goals themselves.

I can’t attribute my business growth or my financial decisions to self-acceptance alone. But I can look back and recognize how much energy I spent questioning myself, and how much more I was able to do when that internal resistance eased.

We spend a lot of time talking about the external factors that affect our financial lives: our income, the economy, the cost of housing, the opportunities available to us. Those things matter enormously. But I wonder how often we consider the things happening inside us, and how they influence the decisions we make with the circumstances we’ve been given.

For me, self-acceptance wasn’t about deciding that I was good enough and leaving it at that. It was about finally recognizing who I was, what I valued, and what I wanted to build, and allowing those things to guide my decisions.

Once I did that, the inside and outside of my life started to feel more aligned. I wasn’t trying to build one kind of life while secretly wishing I were living another.

Maybe self-acceptance isn’t something we usually think of as a financial strategy, but perhaps it should be.

About Vickram Agarwal

Vickram Agarwal is a multiple-time founder and award-winning entrepreneur. He leads S1:E2, a business strategy consulting firm, and contributes to The Globe and Mail, Entrepreneur Magazine, and Inc.

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